Perhaps you’ve noticed I haven’t written a post in the last few weeks. I can’t offer any specific reason for this hiatus, other than I just didn’t know what to write about. So I looked back over my previous posts, hoping to come up with an inspiration for a topic. I then recognized almost all my posts have focused on the challenges, frustrations, and losses I’ve experience as I deal with memory and cognitive loss; of feeling sad and sorry, angry and frustrated. While these posts were honest, over this past year my emotions have shifted significantly as I’m trying my best to refocus from losses to positives and unexpected gifts I experience as a result of my condition.
Now before my readers think “I’ve lost it!” please bear with me as I try to explain my how my shift happened.
Within months of my diagnosis, I decided to resign from two board positions I held, and I gave up volunteering with hospice and ushering at our local theater. These activities had become too challenging for me and were creating stress. Initially I felt remorse over these losses, but I knew these decisions were right and good choices, and time has proven me to be correct.
For a few months, I continued the meal planning, grocery shopping and meal preparation until once again I began stressing about the planning and frequently messing up recipes I had made scores of times. I finally asked Keith to take over. He gladly obliged; he enjoys grazing through supermarkets, loves to try new recipes, and quickly purchased a new grill for the patio so he could do more creative meals.
As for me. I only regret that I didn’t give up cooking sooner—because I’m reveling in having more time to do things I enjoy, such as reading, jigsaw puzzles, playing mind games, embroidering baby quilts, walking around our beautiful lake in town, tending my flower bed and watching our bees flourish. I was given an abandoned kitten (the vet thinks she was two weeks), who has accepted me as her surrogate mom. Unlike most cats, she comes running when I call her, falls asleep in my lap, and purrs every time I pick her up.
In closing I will quote three pieces I’ve been repeating lately. The first is from the movie Shawshank Redemption: “You only have two choices. Either get busy living or get busy dying.” The next is a piece I wrote in my journal recently: “There is a reason, a purpose, my life was destined and designed for me. And I would dishonor my creator, if I didn’t make that life matter.”
And finally my journal entry of yesterday: “I’m experiencing calm days, full of peace and acceptance and seeing life as beautiful—just as it is.”
Once again thank you for reading my posts, and I welcome your comments.